No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
