I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
