I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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