Life is so much better after having sex.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
