i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
