I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it hurts more in the daytime
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So much rum. So many feels.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
whose parrot is this?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
