meet me or not, i'm out of control
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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