Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
