can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Boobs are out for the taking
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
