You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
