Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
