ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
