Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
