He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
