she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
