As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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