Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
