You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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