talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
