it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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