God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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