The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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