My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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