I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize