Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
as a side note pls kill me
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