She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
