I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize