I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
