I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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