Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
