we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
