So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
