I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
