I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
