hotel room ftw
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
