the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
