so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
