ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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