I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
