It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
