He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize