i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
