why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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