We're like a lot better than the average bears
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
