it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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