Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
