Well apparently he's into motor boating.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
