Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They took my balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
