Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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