you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
