Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
