i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
