I must be too annoying 4 u.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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