Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
