It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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