What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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