also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
