i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
