I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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