I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
