Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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