I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize